Away

Every year for the last five years or so a couple of girlfriends have organised a camping weekend away. The boys do it regularly and they thought it’s about time the girls got a break too. I’ve made it every year for one night and last year I organised childcare for the two nights. Unfortunately four days beforehand my dad had his stroke and I didn’t feel as though I should go away and have fun for two nights. I still did for one, however, and when I wasn’t reflecting on family dramas I got stuck in and really enjoyed myself.

The camping weekend is on again this weekend and I was speaking to a girlfriend on Sunday night about it and jokingly said, ‘barring any major family dramas I’ll be there’. Of course there was a family drama (if you want to call it that) with yet another cousin dying in a car accident early Monday morning.

I haven’t rushed over to join the hoards of family and friends and have decided to still go away this weekend and hopefully kick up my heels a bit. Yesterday it was all catching up with me and I felt really rotten and I haven’t slept well the last couple of nights. I keep wondering who’ll be next to go. I’m petrified of losing my son which is a normal, yet irrational fear to have, but I keep thinking of what his parents and wife are going through right now, especially his dad who’s lost two sons in the space of just over a year (the two brothers were in fact half brothers, sharing the same father). I can’t live my life thinking about death all the time as it could so easily consume me. I’m sure these feelings will start to fade after the funeral on Monday but it’s a bit consuming at the moment.

I got the paper at the supermarket earlier and looked up the death notices and had to wipe away a few tears. I spent the rest of the time in the supermarket looking very somber.

So away I will be, spending some quality time with some quality girlfriends. A quality male friend is looking after JJ.