I’ve been quiet around these parts and that’s because there’s been a lot happening in my life that I wasn’t ready to share on my blog until things panned out one way or the other. Things have panned out and now I’m ready to write about it all.
I’m 43 and haven’t had a boyfriend for a long time mainly, I think, because of the little boy in my life. When I became pregnant nine years ago it freaked me out, I was in denial for quite some time but then I had to face up to the fact that I was going to have a baby. He was born and the last thing on my mind was a romantic relationship. It wasn’t until he was about two or three that I even felt anywhere near ready and I started going out on some dates.
None of these worked out and I gave up on the whole thing and have instead been working on making my life more fulfilling in ways I can control by taking up ukulele playing, getting into photography a bit more, and this whole blogging thing takes up a bit of time too.
Then a few months ago I was introduced to someone I’d seen around at various parties off and on but had never met or talked to. A while later we saw each other at a friend’s gig and by his later observation and by my admission I came across as a bit shy and standoffish. I know I do this sometimes when I meet a single fella but I can’t help myself. Something to work on for me.
He invited me to be his Facebook friend not long after that and that’s how we started interacting a bit more. All of this progressed into something a bit more and I began to think that he was a bit special and that there might be something more in it for us.
I had started a bit post with a lot more details but I really don’t think it’s fair to go into those details here in a public forum so, sorry, I won’t share them all.
He had met my son a few times (they got on well) and I’d met his children once. We did sleep together numerous times, both platonically and otherwise and it was great to hop back on the wagon after some time off it.
But just when I thought it was our beginning he was thinking it was our end. He went away for a few days last week and on the first night there was communication between us but then it went completely quiet for the next few days. I was starting to really worry. Worry that he’d been in an accident and was lying incapacitated, or worse – dead, in a hospital somewhere. Deep in my heart though, I knew he was avoiding me.
Finally on Friday, he called and started chatting to me as if things were normal. I let things go along in this vein for a little while and then asked what was going on with us. This is when he told me that he only wanted to be friends. I don’t remember a heap of the conversation after that. The upshot is that he’s got quite a bit of baggage he needs to sort out from past relationships and we probably met at the wrong time. The other thing of course is that he’s just not that into me.
I don’t know how the whole friends thing will go, that remains to be seen. No doubt I will bump into him around the place as we have mutual friends. I’m upset with him that he wasn’t honest with me (and there’s some things that I haven’t mentioned that he wasn’t really honest about).
So what does one do when one has their heart broken? They turn to their girlfriends and mine have been bloody fabulous. A few of them knew many of the details of our relationship so it was easy to tell them the next part of the story, break into tears and it not matter to them.
I didn’t break down when he was on the phone doing the friends thing but I’ve certainly cried since then. My lovely wise friends told me that it’s not me, it’s him and I recognise that. I think I’ve got it pretty together and I was straight and honest through this whole thing with him.
What is it with men who say they want a relationship and that they fancy you, but then turn around and say and do something completely different? That really hurt because he’d gotten my hopes up that there was some potential when in fact there probably never was. I think I hurt more because of the possibilities of being in love with someone, more than I hurt over losing him.
It’s also helped me enormously to write about it. I’d had an earlier post which I won’t publish that had more details. I also wrote him a letter which will stay with me and won’t be sent to him and that was really cathartic.
So to try and look on the positive side of all of this? As mentioned above, he helped me break my drought. That’s made me feel fantastic and it wasn’t as hard (pardon the awful pun) as I thought it would be. In fact it was rather nice and I look forward to doing it again some time soon.
I’ve also lost some weight. I can fit into clothes that I haven’t worn for a couple of years and that’s not a bad thing.
So now? I’ve just started six weeks holidays while JJ is on school holidays. Luckily I hadn’t been relying on this man to help me fill my holiday days and I won’t be sitting around home moping for him – that would be absolutely pointless. I’m picking up the few pieces that I dropped, putting myself back together and moving on.
Firstly hugs,my friend.
Secondly, well, there isn’t really much that I can say.
I hope that each day you go from strength to strength and that this man will work out what he has lost or that you meet an even more wonderful person or that you find exquisite happiness however it comes.
Oh man, I’m sorry. It’s never easy when things don’t work out. His loss.
I’m sorry. That kinda really sucks. As you say though, at least you now would feel more open to beginning another relationship some time in the future. There are men out there who are honest and open and unafraid of commitment. Good on you for being able to take away some positives and realise that you are worth a lot more than he had to give.
Jen, I am sorry, and I hope this is a turn around for you in a positive way.
I agree his loss.
I am glad you had the support of your girlfriends.
Well Jen, more than anything I’m sorry that you have to go through that awful hurtful feeling right now, but somehow I think it was still a positive thing that you went through it…positive for you in the long run. I don’t know all the details, and I do wish he would have been more honest with you of course; but you already sound above it all and determined to move on….so like the determined and strong woman who has been raising a son on her own all these years. You have the right attitude Jen…look on the positive side; that’s exactly what you do…and move on; you never know where or when you could meet someone again. Love, Joy
There is nothing like breaking the drought:-) It’s a challenging thing as a single mum to let someone into your hearth. You did it! The void will be filled. Enjoy your body as the fringe benefit!
Oh Jen – lots of hugs.
Bugger him, he’s done you a favour as he obviously wasn’t up to your standard of wonderful.
The universe is telling you there’s someone better out there for you 😉
Oh big hugs, Jen! So this one turned out to be a toad but the next one may turn out to be Mr Wonderful – sounds like you’re ready to meet him 🙂
PS Hey, who am I to give any sort of relationship advice? :/
Sorry it didn’t work out for you Jen.