I’ve been told by more than one person that I come across as quite confident, but there’s a scared person in there that’s usually hidden quite well – until now that is. This is what scares me.
- Confrontations. I hate confrontations. I fear I’m not that good at standing up for myself and generally try to avoid them wherever possible, but if push comes to shove then I will stand up for myself. I’ve done this a couple of times this year. That is, I’ve said something where I normally not have and it’s turned out better than I expected. The issue has been resolved one way or another and life has moved on without any relationship breakdowns. In fact things have improved – in one case that comes to mind anyway.
- Snakes. I’ve always hated snakes. They terrify me. When we were on Kangaroo Island early last year, we went to a wildlife park. The last thing the owner showed us was his python. He walked around with it and put it on people’s shoulders. Wherever he went I was as far away as possible. But I was distracted by holding a baby possum and the snake snuck up on my and ended up on my shoulders (put there by the wildlife park owner). I stood there, knowing that it was not a poisonous snake, but the wildlife park owner’s wife told her husband off for putting the snake on me while I was holding a baby possum as it might be a good snack. Great I thought, the snake will try and eat the possum. It didn’t, and it didn’t make any untoward moves on me and I survived. I also used to have a recurring dream about snakes when I was a kid. It was a bit Indiana Jones, in that I was surrounded by them with no way out. Dream experts would probably have a field day with that one.
- Public speaking. Isn’t everyone terrified of public speaking? Well, most people are as it rates right up there with my number 4, death. As I recently announced here I will be speaking at a conference early next year and the thought has my bum knitting socks as my friend would say.
- Death. My own death frightens me. I don’t want to go in an awful way and I don’t want to go early. I especially don’t want to leave my son an orphan. That scares me. While we’re on the subject of death I don’t want my son to die before I do. I think about it sometimes and I hate that I think about it but am powerless to keep those thoughts away. I literally have to shake my head to get rid of them, and start thinking about something not so morbid. I’m also dreading when anyone in my immediate family dies. I know it’s inevitable (unless I do go first) but I don’t want it to happen anyway. I also know that when it does, I will deal with it in my way, whichever way that is.
These are the main things that scare me and overall they’re not really that bad either because they can be overcome, or because they’re inevitable. The things that can be overcome are ones I can do things about, and that’s what I strive to do.
This is for Scribbit’s October Write-Away contest.