Today finds me in a pretty gloomy mood. Actually yesterday found me like that too. I’m recovering from being sick which has been on and off for three weeks now and that’s enough to get anyone down. Yesterday Jaycee Junior got the better of me and the last straw was when he tracked mud through the house and I just burst into tears as I was sweeping up. When I finished I popped him in the pram to prepare for a walk with the dog and then the doorbell went. My eyes were still red but I thought fuck it, I will answer the door anyway. I could tell before I answered the door that it was someone I knew by the way the dog was – she goes completely off if it’s someone she doesn’t know which is kinda good.
It was my sister and her boyfriend and they asked me what was wrong and I told them I was just feeling sorry for myself. We sat down and had a coffee and they had to leave. We left at the same time to go for a walk. We bumped into them again at the shops as I had to take a video back and they’d bought me a bunch of flowers. How lovely. A few hours of babysitting would have made me get down on the ground in gratitude but a bunch of flowers was very gratefully received.
It’s bloody hard work this parenting thing, especially when you don’t get a break except to go to work and occasionally when going out. A few of my friends understand what it’s like because they’re in similar situations but it doesn’t make it any better. I think of the bliss it would be to say to my ‘partner’, oh you just take him out for a bit. I was telling a girlfriend about a party that was happening on Friday night just gone and said I wouldn’t go because I was still feeling a bit poorly and she said it would be good for me to spend time with my son. I said to her that I don’t go out that often and the time before last that I’d booked childcare I had to cancel because of illness. I spend all fucking day with my son and I need a break all right?
One friend rang me yesterday about something and we had a chat about me feeling crap, then she asked if I could babysit her daughter in a couple of weekends time for 5-6 hours one Sunday. Hang on a minute, I’m the one feeling depressed here and I’m the one who needs time out and now I’m babysitting her daughter. Anyway, bitching aside, the nine year old daughter will keep Jaycee Junior occupied and it will be sort of like a break for me until I have to clean up the mess they make later on. And I know my friend will reciprocate if I ask, and she’s good at offering.
Then today my sister rocked up and left her jumpy dog with me and when I asked when she would be picking him up she said later on tonight. No asking if it was ok or anything courteous like that. I don’t think it would matter what happens today, I could find the bad side of it.
I’m looking into hiring a beach shack for a week soon but am umming and aarring because it might just be easier to stay at home, but then I’m perpetuating how I feel if I just stay at home. It’s hard to get out of this funk.
Enough for now. Fresh air is calling.