So, Big Brother 2008 – will it be the same? I don’t think so. Mmmm, time will tell.

Intro from the hosts Kyle and Jackie. They say there’s new hosts, new house, new set. Wooo woooo.

They showed some auditions that didn’t make it, the typical get naked I’m so out there auditions.

The housemates are corralled together, actually they’re separated in small cubicles so they can’t see one another or talk with each other. The camera scans all the housemates. Kyle makes a comment – ‘hallo baby look at that one’, puhlease, do we need these type of remarks.

I think Kyle will be the bad loudmouth cop and Jackie will be the reasonable good cop.

Tour of the house with Jackie – combi van, tree swing, small pool, door of clouds (mystery), animal farm – plastic animals, the actual house is taped and locked up so no tour there. Gates aren’t just locked for us, but probably the housemates by the sounds of it.

Terri, grandmother, 52, likes Pauline Hanson. Was a single mum for a long time – one good parent is better than two crappy ones she says. Her grandson is the light of her life. She’s the oldest housemate ever in BB Australia. Everyone thinks she’s a cranky old grandmother but she thinks she’s nice. Kyle reckons they’d get on well. She has very strong opinions about everything.

Saxon, council worker, 22. He’s into conspiracy theories. He once saw a UFO and comes back to the same spot once a week to have a look for another one. His mates thinks he’s out there, but he thinks the truth is out there. He’s a council worker and admits he doesn’t do much work and says it’s not hard work at all. I’d say he’s out of a job when he gets kicked out the house. He’ll do what he wants to do. Nobody’s going to stop him.

Terri enters the house. Kyle says, ‘Nana, straight to the kitchen.’

Confidential info from BB who says that one of the housemates will get evicted from the house TONIGHT.

Saxon enters the house and meets Terri. Terri comments on Saxon’s tattoos and muscles and shows him her biceps.

Tour inside the house with Jackie – diary room (complete makeover). The lounge – question mark shaped lounge. Dining room – meals delivered on a conveyor belt and they have to be there in time to catch the food. Housemates have a locker with a false back so BB can take stuff when he pleases. The bedroom is just one giant bed.

Bianca, student, 18 – describes herself as more than bitch boobs and brains. Some men trip over things when they see her walking down the street (because her boobs are huge). Her boobs are not fake! Wiser than most 18 year olds she reckons. She’s a bit mumsy but can also dance for hours around the pool table. Kyle is speechless when he sees her, I mean her tits. She puts Kyle in his place when he asks her if she’ll be sunbaking – calls him creepy.

Back at house – Terri also thinks there’s something out there. Bianca walks in. Saxon’s very pleased with her (boobs).

Nobbi, student, 21. Has a daily facial routine which he thinks will be a problem in the house. Afraid of spending a long period of time in the house with girls because of the bitchiness but he wouldn’t mind Victoria Secret girls.

Nobbi enters the house. That’s an unusal name Terri says.

Brigitte, waitress, 20. Barbie because of the say she looks (long blonde hair). She’s a Paris Hilton wannabe. Her most prized possession is her boobs. She likes her hair extensions and makeup. Kyle thinks she’s hot too. I’m going to get sick, no – I’m already sick, of Kyle’s sexist remarks.

Back at the house, the tattoo on Saxon’s neck says dirt instead of warrior according to Nobbi.

BB says the rules are that there are no rules. And the eviction will happen overnight.

Brigitte enters the house. Saxon is again very happy and looking for very smug. Terri wonders if her dress could have been shorter.

Alice, doctor, 24. She’s a vet and always wanted to be a vet. Lazy people annoy her. She thinks BB will be an amazing experience. She has a very shiny face. She hates spiders.

Travis, marketing coordinator, 22. The one with the high pitched annoying voice. He gets a lot of comments about his voice. He’s self-described as very upbeat and positive. Kyle asks him why his voice is so high and Travis says he’s happy with it. Jackie says his voice is endearing. He’s not allowed to talk until he gets to the house.

Alice and Travis enter the house. Saxon has yet another big smile, at Alice this time.

Rory, bricklayer, 21. Maaate! He’s going to do a trip round Australia pub by pub when he finishes his apprenticeship. He wants a wife and a mistress one day and wants to succeed.

Rory enters the house. Admits he’s terrible with names and straight away Brigitte introduces everyone.

Renee, Abattoir worker, 22. Loves playing footy. She’s loud, talks a lot and doesn’t like dishonest people. Doesn’t like princess type girls because they’re usually bitchy.

Renee enters the house. Introductions all round.

Rima, Belly dancer, 25. She’s a normal person but shrunk (1 metre tall – she’s shorter than my son). Married to Karl (full size). Honesty gets her into trouble sometimes. She has a potty mouth.

Rima enters the house. Housemates are talking to plastic animals and Rory gets told to pull up his pants. Terri’s concerned that the toilet will be too high for Rima.

Cross to Mikey and Bree to talk about Friday Night Live but they can’t say anything anyway. Bree reckons the housemates are on an even playing field but I’m wondering about Rima. Fitzy comes out and spills some ‘secrets’.

Ben, student, 19. Smart student with good marks throughout school. Self confessed stereotypical geek. Success with girls? Needs women with depth. He’s done pretty well in the past with some dry patches. He thinks people will like him because he has an ability to keep his shirt on unlike many other Aussie blokes.

Ben enters the house. Others more interested in talking to everyone else than him, but they do introduce themselves.

Dixie, Mental Health Worker, 21. Loves tomato sauce and has with salads. She’s Australian Aboriginal. She’s not just a black fella, but also an Aussie. Apparently Dixie knows Renee, but neither know that each other is in the house.

Dixie enters the house. Dixie and Renee kiss and hug and Dixie introduces herself to everyone else.

Rebecca, Waitress, 22. Loves motivating other people. She doesn’t hate fat people (awful laugh). SHe doesn’t like showering without her thongs (flipflops) on. Give everything 100% and you’ll be sure to dominate. She reckons she’ll fix people’s dirty habits.

David, Fire Fighter, 32. Was raised in a religious sect (Exclusive Brethren) for first 19 years of his life. He’s ready to be incarcerated again. He can’t share a meal with his family anymore but his freedom is priceless. He was a cop but is now a firefighter. He was married for two years but is now divorced.

Rebecca and David (the last two housemates) enter the house. Actually they haven’t entered the house yet. BB welcomes the housemates. He points out that the house is out of bounds. He tells them the first surprise is a bad one. BB tells them that they must decide whose experience will be over by tomorrow. They have to decide who must be evicted. The house will remain closed until they decide who will be evicted. This is the first of several snap evictions.

Jackie doesn’t want anyone to go, but perhaps Brigitte will go because the girls might turn on her. Kyle doesn’t want any of his favourites to go (read any gorgeous girls).

Over and out for the launch show.