Most of us go through it at some time or another – the relationship breakup. It’s bloody awful even if it’s something you initiated. I didn’t initiate this one but upon reflection it has to be for the best. After all, who want’s to pine after someone who obviously doesn’t want to be with you, or who doesn’t want to work together to solve relationship issues? Not me!
Even though it’s been on my mind a lot I’ve generally been pretty good and here’s how I’m getting through it.
- Look after yourself, eg have a massage. The day after the breakup I spent most of it in bed feeling a bit sorry for myself but I also dragged myself out of bed to go and have a massage. It just happened that it was a good friend who does shiatsu and we had a bit of a chat as well and she gave me some mechanisms for refocusing.
- When trying to go to sleep – if you find your mind racing – and you have trouble getting off to sleep – count. On the in breath count up to ten and concentrate on this. If you’re counting you can’t think about anything else. I’ve since used this when I am thinking about other things. It’s a good meditation technique regardless.
- Focus on the moment. Even if it’s just when you’re getting dinner. Concentrate on the smell and the feel of of the food you’re preparing for instance. Again, this gets your mind off other things.
- Talking to some close friends. I couldn’t imagine not having them to unload to and as usual they’ve been fantastic.
- Planning things to do socially. I’ve tried to keep myself busy since this happened and I’ve been succeeding.
- Using this as a learning experience. Questions I’ve been asking myself: What is it about the type of men I pick? Without going into detail I think I’ve cracked it and Baggage Reclaim is an excellent website that provides some great advice about relationships. It talks about things to look out for, values in a relationship, red flags, and even what a healthy relationship looks like.
- Exercise. For me I’ve started running. There’ll be more about this. I can’t quite believe it myself.
- Look after yourself by eating healthily and gettting enough sleep. This was a bit hard initially as I didn’t feel like eating but my appetite has returned. At least I’m keeping my teeth healthy.
It’s a work in progress and I’ve found the hardest thing has been telling people especially as we have a lot of mutual friends. One friend was quite shocked. ‘But you seemed so good togther’, they said. That’s hard because we definitely were for the most part.
So I’d like you to add to this if you can. What’s helped you get through a breakup?
If you’re in a healthy relationship I’d like to hear about that too. What makes this one a healthy one compared to say the toxic ones you may have experienced in the past?
Yay! You’re back:)
I think you have just about covered the things I do. I also catch up on reading, films, etc.
I usually rearrange my house because there are spaces that somehow remind me and can bring on a wallow. I try to get rid of most of their stuff, or at least put it in a box for 6 months so I’m not reminded all the time. When I was younger I actually used to move house, but can’t be bothered now.
Haircuts are another thing I seem to do.
I don’t know about this healthy/unhealthy paradigm in relationships. There’s just so many different reasons why things don’t always work. Life changes, we come in and out and sometimes back into one anothers lives, as friends and lovers. My biggest lesson in love is to be present and trust. Bloody hard sometimes!
Wow, moving house was radical. At least we didn’t live together so I didn’t have to worry about that. When I’m feeling down I also feel lazy so rearranging the house I find hard to do. However, I did have a big tidy up in my son’s room – it badly needed it. Haven’t got myself a haircut but I have done this in the past.
I am with Joh. I did the whole house reorganise / throw away anything not wanted / massive chuck out with the philosophy of new life – out with the crap only good things I love to be around me. It’s very cathartic. And it keeps you busy.
I’m thinking of doing some renovations. That’s a bit of an expensive move but one I’ve been thinking of for a while. We’ll see how it goes.
Well Jen, despite any sad or solemn moments you may have from time to time….you really sound amazingly good over all. Your post was great and the longer I know you and read what you have to say, the more I realize what a strong lady you are…..in so many ways. Love and hugs coming your way… ~Joy xo
Thanks Joy, am appreciating all love and hugs coming my way, even the virtual ones. I like how I’m using this as a learning experience – and I’ve finally realised what type of guy I choose to go out with. So next time I’ll spot him and run a mile!
I hate breakups of this kind. I always pray that I’d never have to go through another one again! The last one, I was suicidal. Yes, it was that bad- even worse than the divorce (it was a different guy, by the way 🙂 ). I guess it was because I lived alone then and didn’t have much of a support system to cushion the blow.
A support system definitely helps. I’ve been blessed with some great friends in this regard although I’m conscious of laying too much on them. There’s also a lot of online stuff now too.