Last year was a tough year for my son and I in regards to his behaviour at school. We pretty much sorted it out but I’ve been conscious that things might arise again.
They have – sort of.
In the last few weeks JJ has had two time-out slips from school. A kid gets a time-out or a detention slip for all sorts of reasons including violence towards other kids.
The first one a few weeks ago said that he’d kicked someone in the shins and then when this kid fell on the ground he stomped on their back. I was pretty horrified but I kept my cool. When I questioned him about it the full story came out. A bit of background. JJ is pretty tall for his age and he towers over most kids in his class except for the one he kicked.
But, the full story. This kid had wanted JJ to join his ‘club’ but JJ didn’t want to. This kid swung JJ by the arm into a tree and kicked in the balls (JJ’s words). That’s when JJ kicked him back but he never stomped on his back.
I wrote this down on the time-out slip and sent it to school with JJ. JJ was really pleased that I believed him and that I was doing something about it which made me feel a bit mean because in the past I haven’t always believed him. That’s what happens when you occasionally do lie to your mum!
The upshot was that this kid also got a detention.
So, on to a more recent incident. The time-out slip said that JJ kicked another kid in the shins (kicking in the shins is popular) and it wasn’t the first time with this kid. We sat down for half an hour and quite a different story emerged. I won’t bore you with all the details but JJ promised that he didn’t kick this kid in the shins but this kid had hassled him and when JJ went away and told two teachers – they both said to ignore him. By the way, this kid does Scouts with JJ and I witnessed him kicking JJ for which I told him off.
I spoke to the teacher yesterday and explained to her what JJ had told me. All the versions differed which is what happens in any account of anything. I also explained that JJ feels lonely at lunch time and consequently has nothing to do. Unfortunately he attracts kids and vice-versa that are trouble when they mix.
His teacher was really good and has made some suggestions for lunchtime activities for him. She’s also going to get the pastoral care worker to come in and do some work with him and others. I also mentioned that JJ had gone up to two different teachers and being told to ignore the person that’s hassling him obviously doesn’t work. I suggested that the yard duty teacher direct him to do something as a distraction. I don’t know if this will happen and if it it happens whether it will work or not.
It’s small small steps with this school yard politics but he’s getting there slowly.
In the meantime his birthday party invitations have been distributed. I’m a bit worried that only a couple of the six boys JJ’s invited will be able/want to come. Apparently one (the ball kicker above) said that he probably wouldn’t come because his dad thought JJ was mean. I’m sure his dad didn’t say that so it will be interesting to see if he does come or not. And I thought I knew some bitches.
We’ve planned the games, and the birthday cake so hopefully the weather’s kind.
If it’s all too much at least we’ll be going to Queensland a week later to recover. If any of you live around the Gold Coast, northern NSW we’ll be there early July for a week or so. We could do a bloggy catchup perhaps?
Yep, nasty kids soon learn to tell fibs to yard duty teachers about others hurting them if kids won’t follow the bully’s rules. It happens in a lot of schools with the “just ignore them” rubbish trotted out by teachers on a regular basis.
Good luck!
Good luck with the school issues. I find it hard not being at school with my kids, and not knowing “what goes on” JJ will be fine, I hope his party is alot of fun! I remember once a school principal said to me “parents don’t find out half of what goes on in school” and this scared me a bit. But you a a good mother looking into this and working through it.
I am in central qld about 6 hours north of the Gold Coast, would have loved to have met you though….
When in July for Brisbane? I am working out the logistics for our school holidays at the moment and would love to factor you into the mix!!