Archives for July 2006

JJ’s first day of school went well in the end. I left him sitting on the floor in the classroom for group time. I could tell he was nervous but I hardened my heart and walked out anyway, blinking back my tears.

I went and had a coffee with a friend (another school mum who remembers what that first day is like for a parent), then I went shopping and afterwards popped into another friend’s place where she had a margarita all ready for me to drink. I couldn’t drink all of it as it was starting to go to my head and I didn’t think it would be a good look if I didn’t turn up on the first day to pick up JJ drunk, or not all all cause I smashed my car on the way home.

He really enjoyed his first day of school, he made friends he saw a great educational video and was keen to do some school work after we arrived home.

The second day, however, was quite different. When school was over, JJ’s teacher asked to have a talk to me in the classroom. As I walked in with her it took me back to school and the few times I got into trouble. Sure enough, JJ got into some trouble yesterday.

It wasn’t just one thing, it was more than one thing and after his teacher told one story about his behaviour, she kept saying and that wasn’t the worst thing. Actually she probably said it twice but it felt like more times. He ended up being picked up and taken to the principal’s office (because he wouldn’t walk there) and spent half an hour ‘with the man’. He didn’t do himself any favours by not acknowledging his misbehaviour.

She apologised to me for this happening on his second day at school but I felt like I should be apologising to her. My irrational side of thinking told me that I’m a complete failure as a parent. The irrational side went on to tell me that because I’m a sole parent, my son doesn’t have the male influence he so desperately needs, and sole parents cannot possibly bring up a child that doesn’t have some problems.

Fortunately my rational side kicked in and told me that teachers have probably seen it all and what JJ did was nothing really and once he’s settled in he’ll probably be fine. It also told me that I’m a caring parent that loves my son and if he does have problems at school I will work with the staff there to get him through them. Yeah! Go me!

For the record he was fine on Friday. He didn’t get into any trouble. Phew.

This week JJ will start junior primary school. I think we are both as apprehensive as each other but we’re both trying to put a brave face on it. He’s apprehensive because it’s a big change for him and  he’s really going to miss all his childcare friends (both teachers and kids). He also won’t really know anybody at his school so for the first couple of weeks it’s going to be hard on him, and on me until he adjusts to his new routine.

We’ve put together a little present for the staff at childcare and we’ve crafted a card. He chose the shocking pink cardboard, I wrote a message in it and he dictated a message for me to write. It says:

‘I love all my friends. I love you wider than the sky. You’re beautiful. You’re like a rainbow in the sky. You’re pink as everything in the whole wide world.’

He definitely knows the right things to say to his predominantly female carers and they will love him even more for it.

Back to starting school. I’m apprehensive and a little worried because up until now his care when apart from me, I’ve known all about and known that if he needs any help that staff are on hand to deal with his just about every need. This will be different at school. At our last school visit I asked him if he knew where the toilet was. He didn’t, so I showed him after asking a group of big kids if this was the correct one. Will he think to ask the question if he can’t find the toilet or will he just hold on and eventually wet his pants?

I talked to him today and told him that he’s never allowed to leave the school grounds without me, his family day care worker who’ll be picking him up for after school care, or his auntie. He didn’t really seem to take on board what I was talking about. Up until now, at childcare, he’s been fenced in and physically not able to leave. I don’t think he will just run off but it’s something at the back of my mind.

I remember when a good friend of mine’s daughter started school she said she felt that she was losing control over her daughter’s life. She was going to be influenced more by people outside the home and family/friends unit than ever before. I feel a bit the same. Maybe we’re both control freaks or maybe we’re just thinking, caring parents. In my case I would say it’s a bit of the former and more of the latter. Not all these influences are going to be good and it’s really hard to know how to teach your child to tell the differences between good and bad influences. Plus, most of us parents used to get up to no good at some stage and we don’t want our kids to do the same silly things.

In addition, childcare is open nearly all year round – they only close for a bit over Christmas and New Year. School is considerably different because of the 12 weeks holidays throughout the year. I’m sure it will all work out with vacation care but it’s a pain in the arse because it’s something extra I have to think about and plan.

I’m also going to have to prepare his lunches five days a week and childcare used to do that for me. It will be an extra chore I’ll have to do the night before when I come home from work. So it’s all the little details, half of which I don’t probably even know about yet. I will not miss paying the same amount of childcare fees though.

The upshot is, my little boy is growing up and it’s happening so damn fast.

Tonight I went to check up on JJ about an hour after he went to bed. His blankets were completely covering his face and when  I pulled them back I discovered he was wearing his batman costume – mask and all.

I managed to take off the mask and the cape so he doesn’t wake up with a dented face from the mask and choke to death from the cape.

I was sitting down in the kitchen eating a meal the other day when JJ came in and sat down to eat his.

‘Mum, I’m cross with you. You’ve ruined my life.’

At this point I tried very hard to keep a serious face as he was so earnest when he said it as though the world was going to end because his life was ruined. And where did this come from. Whenever new things come from his mouth it’s something he’s heard somewhere and it’s certainly something I don’t say regularly, if at all.

I asked him, ‘Why have I ruined your life?’

After repeating this question a few more times he finally told me that his life was ruined because I had shouted at him.

Yes, sometimes I do shout. No, it doesn’t get me anywhere but it still occasionally happens. He must have been brewing about this for a while because some time had passed since the last shout.

This happened about a week ago and his life does not appear to be ruined. In fact, the weekend was pretty much all about him, with a movie and a friend staying over.