For a long time I’ve loved cardigans. They’re great to wear because of their ease of getting on and off. I’m sure there’s other reasons I love cardigans but I can’t think of any right now.

I used to be known as Jen Cardigan ……. because that was all I wore. This name even got lengthened to Jen Off The Shoulder Cardigan …… (the dots are my last name).

I bought this cardigan because who couldn’t resist this type of detail? I used to have a similar cardigan but it wore out and had to be thrown out. I spent more on this cardigan than I spend on most of my clothes because I’d received a couple of vouchers for a second-hand clothing shop and bought some great stuff there, including this.

In fact, one day, I thought I’d go to this shop to use my voucher but spent at least one hour looking for it and still couldn’t find it. I rang the shop and as they don’t keep records of these things they couldn’t replace it but suggested I look in my handbag. I’d already looked in all my handbags to no avail, but I had another look - a proper one this time - and it turned up.

When I used to knit more prolifically than I do now I knitted some cardigans.

I bought this mohair wool when in Melbourne in around 1986 from a little shop in the city somewhere. I originally started knitting a jumper but realised that I wouldn’t have enough wool so unpicked what I’d done and found a cardigan pattern and this was the result. This was the cardigan responsible for the Off The Shoulder name mentioned above.

I wear it a lot in winter and JJ was born in winter so I wore it a lot for the first few months of his life. He was one of those babies who threw up a lot after feeds and despite wearing towels over my shoulders, his vomit invariably ended up on my clothes. I distinctly remember handwashing all my winter woolies that year.

This is acrylic I bought when still going out with my ex-boyfriend about ten years ago. It took nearly that long to make but I eventually finished it a few years ago. It is really warm. I wore it the other night and had no need to put a coat over the top to keep me warm because this was warm enough.

Now I feel like getting out the knitting needles and knitting another cardigan. Perhaps I will!

Around 20 years ago I used to go out a lot. I was into seeing live music and for a while hung around two girls, one of whom wore lots of makeup all the time. Unfortunately I’ve lost touch with these girls but we had lots of fun.

We were getting ready to go out one night and for some reason her Piaf eyeshadow (like the pictured above) came out and she decorated my eyelids. She recommended I go and buy my own. Not long after I was in the Piaf shop and bought the eyeshadow pictured above.

Obviously I don’t wear lots of eyeshadow all the time otherwise this would be long gone, but I put some on the other night and it brought back memories of these two girls and the times we had when we went out.

I also realised that for relatively cheap eyeshadow - I think it was about $20 for all these colours - the eyeshadow is quite good. Eyeshadow and me don’t have a lasting relationship. Some people seem to be able to put it on and it stays on for hours, but inevitably with me it will come off. However, this eyeshadow lasts that bit longer.

It’s also been really handy for the numerous 70s nights I’ve gone to because I’ve been able to plaster on blue eyeshadow. No matter what outfit I wear, there’s a colour to match.

I guess you could say when I’m in the mood for makeup, this is the cream.

While doing my washing I noticed this t-shirt had survived yet another wash. Even though it’s obviously disintegrating I can’t bring myself to throw it away because of the memories it brings back. One day it probably will literally disintegrate, so I’ve documented it.

Back in the early 1990s I spent two years living in England. One of the things I really wanted to do during this time was go to the Reading or Glastonbury festival. I managed to get my two flatmates to come to the Reading Festival with me in 1993 and this is the t-shirt I bought there.

Let me turn it over and show you some of the fantastic bands that played there. We have the Big Day Out here which get some pretty good acts, but nothing like festivals in Europe attract.

Can you read any of these names?

Or these?

Or is your eyesight exceptional enough to make all of these out?

No, probably not, so here’s my attempt at listing them all (some of the names might be wrong because the font used is fairly illegible so please let me know). An asterisk next to ones I saw, or think I saw, or indeed wish I saw.

• Jim Rose Circus Sideshow (I don’t think this went ahead)
• Oilseed Rape
• Magnapop
• Shampoo
• Truman’s Water
• The Posies
• Masters of Reality
• The Pastels
• Jesus Lizard
• Bettie Serveert
• Primus*
• The Juliana Hatfield Three
• Alice Donut
• Paul Westerberg
• Goats
• Big Star
• The Bob Broleys
• The Breeders
• Mother Earth
• The Cherry
• Fishbone*
• Die Cheerleader
• FMB
• Lemonheads*
• Biduac
• Dinosaur Jr*
• Credit to the Nation
• New Order*
• Swervedriver*
• Gigolo Aunts
• Mighty Mighy Bosstones
• Madder Rose
• Drop Nineteens
• Eat
• Family Cat
• Ringmaster
• Blur*
• Radiohead*
• Senseless Things
• Fenn
• Gary Clail’s On U Sound System*
• Ozric Tentacles
• Voodoo Queens
• Therapy? (the question mark is part of the band’s name)
• The Flaming Lips*
• Siouxsie and the Bansehees*
• The The*
• Green Apple Quick Step
• Tool*
• The Doughboys
• Gallon Drunk
• Leatherface
• Bad Brains*
• Senser
• Adorable
• Stone Temple Pilots*
• Babes in Toyland
• Back to the Planet
• Butthole Surfers*
• Chumbawamba
• Neds Atomic Dustbin*
• Rage Against the Machine*(this band was at this year’s Big Day Out)
• The Franks and Walters
• Porno for Pyros*

It’s a pity I don’t remember more of it but sneaking of the bottle of vodka in was probably not a good idea for the memory. I did share the vodka with my two flatmates.

I do remember sleeping three people in a two-man tent amongst hundreds of other tents. I do remember lying in the tent one night and someone pissed on the outside of our tent. I do remember between acts people would light up those disposable foam type containers to make little fires and the awful chemical stench they made. It really wasn’t cold enough to even warrant a fire but the smell of the chemical smoke was really awful.

Despite this, the bands were awesome and I’m so glad I went.

Here’s a taste of New Order’s Round and Round live at Reading Festival 93.

It hit me one day - winter was coming and I did not want to be around for another cold, grey, and miserable winter so I decided to escape back home, and back to a warm summer.

As well as the cold, grey and miserable winters, it was that place where it doesn’t really snow yet there can be ice on the roads in the morning making it hazardous to walk down the street to get to work. That place where there’s plenty of your country men and women, and your ancestors came from there, and it costs a fortune to do just about everything. Have you guessed yet? Yes, I’m talking about London, England.

I’d already been living there for nearly a year longer than I planned, the plan being one year. I’d done some travelling but it was time to leave. Winters in London are really depressing. It’s not so much the cold weather, but the continual grey sky. If the sky was just blue for a while it might be a lot more bearable. It was also the short days which meant travelling to and from work in the dark. Maybe I was too used to mild Australian winters and was spoilt and just couldn’t handle a different winter climate, I’m not sure.

I really wanted to go home and have an Australian summer but it was going to be hard to leave England. I’d finally made some good friends there - it had taken a while. I’d made friends with people I lived with and I’m still in touch with one of them now. My upstairs neighbours in the last flat I lived in were fantastic. They invited us to their regular Tuesday night food and video sessions and I did other stuff socially with them also. I’d made friends with people I worked with as I’d worked in the same place for nearly one year. In fact I could have got a good job with British Airways who were associated with my work which probably would have meant cheap flights home but even that did not entice me to stay.

I still wanted to go home. I went on one final trip to Israel and Egypt and organised a travelling partner for a trip through India on the way home. I also organised a couple of tea chests for the goods I’d collected and didn’t want to part with. I found a person to replace me in the flat and realised that finally I wouldn’t get hassled to pay for that TV licence. I still don’t get why you have to pay to watch a television in England after you’ve already paid to buy a television.

For my last few days in London I stayed with a couple of friends and said my goodbyes to everyone and finally the morning came where I caught the tube to Heathrow for the flight to New Delhi.

It took two months to get back to Australia via India but it was worth it, and I knew I was home as I left the Melbourne airport and the money collector at the car park gate said, ‘No worries mate’ in that unmistakable Australian accent.

This is for the Scribbit Write-Away contest

I was looking around a friend’s website recently and found this photo. He’s given me permission to post it here.

It was taken at London Gay Pride parade in 1992 and I’m the only straight one in this photo. You can probably tell because my outfit is nowhere near the same as the others here or any others at the festival. I still have this dress. Look at those lapels. The sunglasses were
given to me by a friend and I also still have those but they need some
repair work.

The guy with his arm around me looks very Pet Shop Boys. I actually thought it was my friend to start off with, all the while wondering why he looked a bit different to what I remembered until he told me he was the one taking the photo.

I don’t remember too much about the event because it was so long ago. I do remember marching down the street, seeing lots of rainbow colours and colourful sights and ending up in a part at the end where there was music and drinking.

Making any friends in London isn’t really easy - a bit the same in every big city I imagine - so I went out with my new gay friends to gay clubs. As a rule they didn’t come to straight pubs or clubs with me, but the good thing about gay clubs is that good dance music is played so I didn’t mind too much and gay clubs weren’t the only places I managed to get to. A regular haunt, however, was the Black Cap in Camden Town which according to a couple of websites is still around. We lived closeby so it was a very handy place to go out to with gay and straight friends alike plus it was open longer than the pubs which shut at 11pm.

Seeing this photo took me back to those times with these friends in London.

The following is in response to your unasked question about what it’s like to know that you’re going to have a baby, knowing that you will be doing it without a partner. It’s also to help with my blogging groove, and now the All Women’s Blogging Carnival (week beginning 23 July).

When I found out I was going to have a baby was just the beginning of the my story as anyone who’s ever had children knows all too well.

Most people going through pregnancy have a partner to discuss things with. I would have loved to be in a long-term relationship before becoming pregnant and have my hopefully supportive partner to help me throughout but this was not the case. I left the father in England as I had a job and my dog to come back to. That sounds quite callous leaving my son’s father for a job and a dog but as I’ve mentioned before there were other factors to take into consideration (which I might divulge some time). I could have packed up everything and gone back to him but due to his circumstances I didn’t. I didn’t know whether he would be that supportive either so thought I would be better off in Australia.

When I arrived back in Australia it was a bit of an anti-climax. I felt like shit both emotionally and physically. I was nauseous nearly the whole time, vomited most mornings and felt really really tired. I had never felt so tired. I would drag myself to work, try and stay awake while doing my job and it was even harder because initially nobody at work knew of my condition.

When I got home I would go straight to bed for a restorative lie down then I would get up to eat. I was really lucky that I had two people living with me at the time who cooked for me quite regularly otherwise I would not have eaten much at all. I lived on fruit and fizzy drinks. I had a pasty one day and just through it up in the toilet an hour or so later. As it was I lost weight during the first trimester of my pregnancy. The only person that knew my news at that stage was one of the people living with me so luckily I had her to talk things over with.

On my first day back at work a colleague welcomed me back and asked if I came back married or pregnant. I nearly choked but at this stage I hadn’t told anyone else so I didn’t want him to be the first to know.

During my first week back at work I went to my local doctor, confirmed my pregnancy and booked myself into the hospital to give birth. It was all quite unreal at this stage and I was still experiencing a strong case of denial.

After this third positive pregnancy test I knew I had to tell my family. None of them lived in Adelaide at the time (I have one sister here now) so I phoned them. They were all duly surprised as this was totally unexpected but they all got over the shock remarkably well and were quite supportive.

After I told my family I gradually told my friends and then work colleagues. Stupidly I was a bit conscious of what they would think of me being single and pregnant but if anyone thought I was a stupid fool they didn’t say so to my face. I think I thought I was more of a stupid fool for getting myself pregnant than anyone else did. I’m sure that I provided some gossip amongst my friends for a while though. I kept trying to imagine myself with a child and how it might change my life as I knew it would. I tried to imagine going for walks with my dog and a pram and who the hell would babysit and what would I do during school holidays. I got carried away thinking through all the scenarios I could imagine that would occur when I was a mum. All the thinking in the world does not prepare you for when it actually happens though.

No sooner had I told my boss, he had a replacement lined up for my absence from work even though there were a few more months until I was to finish work.

Once I got over the hurdle of telling people important to me, the news soon spread to acquaintances on the grapevine, the next hurdle was to accumulate baby stuff for as little amount of money as possible. I’d just been on a nine week holiday overseas and didn’t have that much spare cash lying around to buy nursery furniture and other mountains of goods that newborns seem to need. I put the word out and soon my empty spare room (my housemate moved out very quickly soon after I told him I was pregnant but this is another story) was filling up with baby stuff.

Now, having used up all my baby stuff and being pretty sure I won’t have another one, I know it’s a relief to offload this gear as it takes up a lot of space and I have been able to get rid of it to friends who need it. I’ve heard about people who must have all brand new stuff which I don’t quite understand if you can get decent gear for free. I think the first brand new more expensive thing I bought JJ was his single bed once he grew out of his cot and this was when he was two years old.

As the due date came closer I seriously thought about who could be my birth support partner. One of my choices was immediately ruled out because she was also pregnant. I asked someone who I thought might be pretty good but she didn’t sound too keen and I don’t blame her as she doesn’t have any children and seeing someone give birth is pretty daunting I imagine. I ended up asking another friend who turned out to be just fabulous. As soon as she said she would do it she was there for me suggesting things that might be useful and just being really supportive.

One of the things she did was come to ante-natal classes with me. We were the only pair who weren’t both parents of the child to be. I think I could have done without these classes as they don’t really prepare you for anything but I did sit through a video of a non-complicated vaginal birth which I never thought I could do.

I’d booked myself into the Women’s and Children’s Hospital and they used to offer (and may still do) pregnancy yoga classes for women having children at their hospital. I heard about these classes fairly early on but it was all I could do to turn up to work and then go home and have a rest. I couldn’t face going to yoga after work until I was about 13 weeks pregnant. Once I started though,  I kept going until the last week of my pregnancy. It was really relaxing doing the classes. I don’t know if it helped me during the birthing process but I’m sure it didn’t hinder.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I made up a list of what to take into hospital for the birth and she contributed some things also. We had, in no particular order:

• bourbon and coke (didn’t drink it and why I thought it was a good idea I can’t imagine)
• lollies (these came in handy)
• two books - Saturday Night Fever and another one (we read one page)
• Tape recorder and tapes (listened to for a while but had to turn off while getting an epidural and it never went back on)
• coins for the carpark and the phone

I’d finally gotten over the denial that I was pregnant. This only happened when I went to my ultrasound at about 18 weeks and saw that baby move inside me. Not even the most deluded person can deny they’re pregnant when they see that.

What would you like to know next?

I got mum’s photo album from her a few months ago so I could scan these types of photos for my records, and so I could put them in new albums for her as the original ones are a bit past it now, unlike me!

This was taken on the farm where I grew up and I think I’m about 5 here, so it was taken in about 1971.

I wish I still had that handbag. I distinctly remember it. It was made out of platic bits threaded together and it’s obviously lined.