A couple of weeks ago I wrote about how I got a life coaching session from a dreams and life coach. I also mentioned how I could have had a dream analysis but I didn’t do that because I don’t really remember the dreams I’ve been having. Well wouldn’t you know it? I’ve been a prolific dreamer since then and some of them I am remembering.
One I had the other night has stuck with me. The memory of it, or the retelling of it is kinda vague because dreams rarely make sense but it sort of goes like this.
I was in a place, don’t know what kind of place but it had a staircase going upwards. There was also a man there who was going to escort me up the stairs. I can’t remember if JJ was with me but his presence was really felt because the man had done something really really nice for JJ. You see, JJ has expressed an interest to me that he’d like to learn the trombone and/or the trumpet (God help me) and this man had interspersed along the staircase these musical instruments. I can’t remember if he was going to teach him how to play, or give him the instruments or what but it’s not so much about that. It was the overwhelming feeling of someone doing something just for JJ, and something really lovely and thoughtful, that made me feel really happy but really emotional at the same time. In fact when I woke up during the dream I started crying because I felt so emotional about it.
Now to rewind to the night before. JJ, myself, The Surfer and his two children had been to the swimming pool so the three kids could swim some laps because we’re thinking of joining the local surf life saving club and the kids have to show that they can swim before they’re allowed to do certain exercises in the sea water.
That was all fine, but by the time we finished the kids were a bit tired and hungry. JJ has an awful habit of having the last word and answering back and he seems to do it more when The Surfer is around. Anyway, we stopped to get some pizza on the way home and after we’d bought it the kids were going on and on and we asked them to stop. JJ just kept on going and wouldn’t stop – mind you one of the other kids kept asking him to stop and it became a vicious circle where neither of them was going to give up. I asked them both to stop and they both continued the whole, fairly short, way home.
During dinner JJ did something again where he had to have the last word and The Surfer had enough and sent him to another room. After a while he got him back, I got JJ to apologise and we ate in silence after that. We stayed over at The Surfer’s place and it was the next morning where I had the dream.
That evening The Surfer was at my place and we had a big discussion about JJ and about how much The Surfer should or shouldn’t be involved in disciplining and so on. I’m happy for him to step in and I’ve never felt what he says and does is unwarranted. I have thought more about the incident since and realised that JJ feels he has to compete for my attention when The Surfer is around me. This is understandable because it’s just been me and JJ for his whole life so it’s a huge change for him and one that he’s taking some time to adjust to. I also tried to explain that JJ is taking longer to learn social skills and social cues than a lot of other kids and that he just doesn’t get it sometimes.
Unfortunately The Surfer usually sees the naughty side of JJ and not his sweet side so we’ll have to work through that one and after having a chat to a friend about it today maybe they just need to spend some one-on-one time to get to know each other a bit better and I also need to somehow involve JJ more when he’s around I think.
The next morning as said goodbye to The Surfer as he went away for a few days on a golfing trip, he gave me a kiss and a hug and walked over to JJ and gave him a hug too. I don’t think he’s ever given him a hug before so he’s obviously committed to trying to work at a relationship with JJ. I really hope so.
It’s bloody hard but I guess that’s life ey?