It was the first day back at school today after the holidays and while work was okay for me getting to and from work was really painful on the first day of the tram extension. It took me nearly an hour to get home from work, when it normally takes me half an hour.
I finally made it to after school care and there was a note to speak to one of the staff. She told me that she’s really concerned about JJ because he told another staff member that he wants to kill himself. I took a few deep breaths and wished that he’d just misbehaved himself instead.
She told me she had a chat to him about it and he didn’t or couldn’t elaborate. He’s said to me before that he hates himself and while I don’t want to ignore comments like this I don’t want to make a big fuss over it either because I think it’s partly an attention seeking thing.
When we got home I tried to elicit some more information from him and he brought up stuff that I’ve said like sometimes he’s a pain in the neck. I told him that every parent thinks at some stage that their child is a pain in the neck but it doesn’t mean they don’t love them to pieces.
He also told me that he doesn’t like his hair or his brown skin. I told him that he’s really lucky to have his brown skin because that means he doesn’t burn as easily. I asked him if he’d been teased about his hair or brown skin but he said he hadn’t. He does get lots of comments about his hair which he hates getting but it’s unavoidable.
We took care of that, however, and cut his hair off. He hasn’t had hair this short for a long time and he loves it.
But back to the hate/kill comments. I don’t know what to think or do about them. I know he hasn’t got the highest self esteem so I need to try and build that up. Any suggestions are really welcome here.
I do tell him I love him all the time – more than once a day in fact. I will try to remember not to make occasional comments about him being a pain in the neck because he obviously really takes these to heart and must think I don’t want him or something.
Geez this parenting thing is super hard.