I became pregnant unexpectedly. Obviously I know how I got pregnant, I just didn’t think I ever would produce a child because I’d never really wanted one.
Going through my pregnancy I asked lots of questions and got lots of advice about what to expect. The only thing I remember people saying was that it will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done.
So none of the advice people gave me really helped me. How can people explain what it’s really like to be sleep deprived in the first few weeks of new motherhood? How can people describe how it feels to breastfeed? How can people tell you about the overwhelming feeling of love and the accompanying crush of responsibility that motherhood is?
Well, nobody can really make you feel what it is like until you hold that baby in your arms and you have to start dealing with them.
I didn’t know how and how often to change a nappy and having to do that freaked me out. Looking back now, that was one of the easiest things I had to learn.
I managed to crawl my way through babyhood and toddlerhood and then he started school and the fun really started. Fun being the double edged sword here. School was a huge adjustment for him and he started behaving really badly. It wasn’t really funny that he was sent to the principal’s office on his second day at school. And he wasn’t just sent, he had to picked up and moved to the office. This wasn’t the last time he had to visit the principal, or have detention either.
He also really misbehaved with his after school carer, so much so that I inwardly cringed before I knocked on her door to pick him up. It didn’t matter how much I talked to him or tried to explain to him that his behaviour was not okay.
A year has passed since he started school and he has come a long way due to a change in after school care provision, psychologist visits, a new teacher so I’m actually enjoying motherhood for about the first time. He still has his moments of being a pain in the neck but for the most part I really enjoy his company. He makes me laugh. He makes me think. He sometimes brings out the child in me. He makes me see the world through his eyes.
If I wasn’t experiencing motherhood, what would I be doing I wonder?
This is for the September MamaBlogga group writing project.