Had a bit of a windfall with my tax return today so went shopping at lunchtime. I bought two dinosaurs for Jaycee Junior and a summer outfit for him. I bought two tops for myself and the new Nick Cave CD – see my What’s wearing out my CD player to the left. It’s a beauty and I love it on the first listen. GET IT…
Archives for 2004
This morning I went to see a counsellor. This is the first time I have ever done this and as work offer a service in this regard, with outside consultants, it was free so I thought I’d utilise this work perk. I had no idea what to expect and wasn’t even sure what I wanted to bring up. So of course the first thing she brought up was why was I there? I started babbling on, while starting to cry, about the work/life balance and how hard I was finding it as a single mum. I was quite appalled that I turned into a sook as soon as we started talking but quickly got over the lip quivering. We ended up talking about three main things:
1 Finding time for myself and not feeling guilty about it
2 Finding a ‘true love’ and not settling for second best
3 Finding my passion and doing something about it
So, to start doing some stuff towards these three things. At the end of the session I said let’s summarise and she wrote a heap of stuff down which was great. This is the list in no particular order:
1 Use Bach Flower Rescue remedy when I’m feeling I might need it
2 Set aside 30 minutes a day for ME time
3 Ask people for help with looking after Jaycee Junior (small steps)
4 Get some meditation/relaxation CDs and use them
5 Visualise a happy/nurturing relationship with a man
6 Examine the men I have chosen in my life and see:
– what appeals and what doesn’t
– what is destructive
– why am I attracted to them
– how can I foster those qualities in myself
7 Keep a PMT/dream journal
8 Start a body dialogue regarding guilt
– find a quiet space to relax
– bring in the guilt, where does it sit in my body
– have a conversation with it
– write it down
9 Get the Woman’s Comfort book
10 Investigate some women’s healing circles
I don’t know how I will go with things like the body dialogue but I’m willing to give it a go. And I shall be going out after I finish this to get the Woman’s Comfort book.
Update: Had to order The Woman’s Comfort book and will be waiting around three weeks for its delivery.
Oh, and found this article on A List Apart website which I want to refer back to more often.
I like some sort of sense of order, in particular when I’m in a hurry and people are blocking me on an escalator. In the UK there’s a written (in tube stations) and unwritten rule that if you’re not walking up or down the escalator you stand on the right so people can pass you on the left. I think I’ve got the order correct but if not please leave me a comment and let me know.
It doesn’t work this way in Australia and it’s quite annoying. I walk a reasonable amount and it’s good exercise to walk up stairs and escalators but I can’t walk up an escalator if people are blocking the way. I just tend to stand behind them glaring at the back of their heads. One boy at lunch time even had the gall to stand in the middle of the escalator with a hand holding the rails on each side. I burnt a hole in the back of his head with my stare.
I vote for people making room so other people can pass them on escalators.
Being able to be naked and not care at all about who sees you must be great. Jaycee Junior is learning the art of undressing and dressing and he decided to give it a go at Peace in the Park in Light Square yesterday. The band GT Stringer played and after they finished a DJ played some dancin’ tunes. Jaycee Junior decided he was going to have a dance on the wooden dance floor they had provided and was soon joined by his peers (all girls). He must have then thought that this is great I’ll get my gear off so he pulled down his pants and undies and lifted his top up. With the belly sticking out he stood there as proud as punch baring his all. I was sitting nearby cringing and laughing at the same time, knowing it was futile to go and do something about covering him up because I’d just probably embarrass myself and people can get away with dropping their dacks when they’re three years old. A friend had her digital camera there so I will hopefully get hold of a copy of the photos she took to put up on his website for embarrassment in years to come.
Spring is finally here. It was 26 degrees celcius today and it makes such a difference to my outlook having this inbetween cold and hot weather. My orange blossoms are out so I have that lovely smell around my house for as long as they last. In the last couple of years since I’ve had my own house and have been planting some plants I’ve become more aware of the changing seasons and what happens when and at the beginning of September the orange tree blossoms. It’s just gorgeous.
I had an exciting day today because I went to buy PJ Harvey’s new CD, Uh Huh Her, and right near the CD shop I bought it from was a ticket outlet so I thought I’d go and ask how much her tickets were for her upcoming concert. It’s been advertised that her tickets go on sale next Tuesday but much to my excitement I was able to buy a ticket today. So I spent nearly $100 on PJ Harvey today. The last proper concert I went to (and by proper concert I mean more than $10-20) was Gomez four years ago. I haven’t listened to the new CD properly yet but if it’s anywhere near as good as Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea I will be very happy.
Am feeling a lot better this week than I did last week – both physically and mentally. I have finally submitted my tax return and even though it wasn’t that complicated it was a big weight lifted off my shoulders. I’m hoping I get enough back to more than pay for my digital camera.
I’ve also booked a holiday home (a very basic holiday home) for a week, in about a months time. I can even take my dog which is great. Most holiday homes won’t allow any pets which is a case, I guess, of some pets ruining it for the others. I was also lucky in getting a fenced property so when I go out I can leave my dog outside and hopefully she won’t run away. It’s also right alongside the beach which both Jaycee Junior and my dog will love. Jaycee Junior must think he’s a dog sometimes as he gets down on the ground and rolls around like our dog.
Today finds me in a pretty gloomy mood. Actually yesterday found me like that too. I’m recovering from being sick which has been on and off for three weeks now and that’s enough to get anyone down. Yesterday Jaycee Junior got the better of me and the last straw was when he tracked mud through the house and I just burst into tears as I was sweeping up. When I finished I popped him in the pram to prepare for a walk with the dog and then the doorbell went. My eyes were still red but I thought fuck it, I will answer the door anyway. I could tell before I answered the door that it was someone I knew by the way the dog was – she goes completely off if it’s someone she doesn’t know which is kinda good.
It was my sister and her boyfriend and they asked me what was wrong and I told them I was just feeling sorry for myself. We sat down and had a coffee and they had to leave. We left at the same time to go for a walk. We bumped into them again at the shops as I had to take a video back and they’d bought me a bunch of flowers. How lovely. A few hours of babysitting would have made me get down on the ground in gratitude but a bunch of flowers was very gratefully received.
It’s bloody hard work this parenting thing, especially when you don’t get a break except to go to work and occasionally when going out. A few of my friends understand what it’s like because they’re in similar situations but it doesn’t make it any better. I think of the bliss it would be to say to my ‘partner’, oh you just take him out for a bit. I was telling a girlfriend about a party that was happening on Friday night just gone and said I wouldn’t go because I was still feeling a bit poorly and she said it would be good for me to spend time with my son. I said to her that I don’t go out that often and the time before last that I’d booked childcare I had to cancel because of illness. I spend all fucking day with my son and I need a break all right?
One friend rang me yesterday about something and we had a chat about me feeling crap, then she asked if I could babysit her daughter in a couple of weekends time for 5-6 hours one Sunday. Hang on a minute, I’m the one feeling depressed here and I’m the one who needs time out and now I’m babysitting her daughter. Anyway, bitching aside, the nine year old daughter will keep Jaycee Junior occupied and it will be sort of like a break for me until I have to clean up the mess they make later on. And I know my friend will reciprocate if I ask, and she’s good at offering.
Then today my sister rocked up and left her jumpy dog with me and when I asked when she would be picking him up she said later on tonight. No asking if it was ok or anything courteous like that. I don’t think it would matter what happens today, I could find the bad side of it.
I’m looking into hiring a beach shack for a week soon but am umming and aarring because it might just be easier to stay at home, but then I’m perpetuating how I feel if I just stay at home. It’s hard to get out of this funk.
Enough for now. Fresh air is calling.
It’s supposed to be spring but it’s 14 degrees celcius outside and I’m sitting at my computer with my crocheted rug over my knees. I’m at home today sick like I was yesterday and thanks to the doctor’s certificate, tomorrow as well. It’s really annoying as I was sick a couple of weeks ago and had to cancel a night out. Last Saturday night I wasn’t feeling the best but a friend had a party on and I didn’t want to miss it. I dosed up on Sudafed and went along. I must say I didn’t feel in the best party mood but did manage to do ok and even had a dance at 4.30 in the morning when I went to drag my friend away after a couple of hours sleep in the car. I was getting so cold I couldn’t stay in the car any longer. I hadn’t drank anything for some time so drove back to my friends place a few kilometres down the road. I think the Sudafed were still doing their thing though. I guess I could have lived without going to the party but I would have regretted it at the time.
Jaycee Junior was over at my parents place courtesy of my sister so I didn’t have him back till Sunday afternoon and we promptly sat down and watched Monster Inc for the nth time. He’d already seen it once that day so must have thought it was his lucky day. As anyone who is a parent knows, it’s damn hard looking after an active kid when you are sick.
Today I’ve watched Dr Phil and learnt about being sexually confident and then I watched Oprah and learnt how to find my inner sexpot. All the while I was sitting on the couch in my not so sexy warm clothes, including a cardigan, while knitting a scarf. At least my cardigan, or sweater, doesn’t have appliqued pumpkins on it like a woman did on the Oprah show.
I’ve promised my dog that whether it’s raining or not I will take her to the oval today before I pick Jaycee Junior up from childcare and give her a run. Because I’ve been feeling sick for the last few days she hasn’t been out the back yard for exercise. Lucky she’s got room to run up and down the side barking at cars driving down the laneway next to my house.